In my wonderful 30 years of existence in this world, I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing the ups and downs life gives me.
Thankfully, I’ve had more ups than downs. Even the downs were awesome.
While the ups and downs were aplenty, I’ve also had several memorable “moments of self-realization”
Just like a G-spot orgasm by a girl, I think that self-realization moments are very rare in one’s life and can usually be counted on one hand. Some people go through life never having a moment of self-realization. It’s a sad thing not to experience but at the same time, it’s good to think that you never have to change in life – you won’t have to know what you’re missing.
Just to clarify what I mean by “Moments of truth” – it’s a situation when you’re put through the fire and you have this sudden break of clarity. For example, it’s when you finally realize that the girl you’ve been chasing all these years isn’t for you. It’s when you finally give up on alcoholism or you realize that you actually don’t love the job you’ve been doing for 10 years (or for that matter, the person you’ve been married to). These are significant changes in life perspectives.
So I’ve had several key moments of realization in my life and I can recall the exact scene, feelings and surroundings when these moments occurred. I’d share them with you but I don’t really know you so you just have to trust me.
Okay, fine. I’ll share one thing with you:
This weekend, I just had a major realization that goes against a major part of my perspective on people:
I used to think that I can help guys and girls get better at meeting people and having good relationships…but now I realized that I can’t help them.
This thought has been lingering in my head for several years now but I always paid no attention to it until the past weekend. I realize that guys can’t help themselves. Girls can, but guys can’t. If this is the case, which it is – then I’ll go back to my mantra:
I can’t help you if you can’t help yourself.
If half the population of the world can’t help themselves, then what’s the point?
It takes two to have a conversation, dance the tango, fuck and get married.
As a result of this significant but unfortunate finding -
I quit this blog too.
There are two critical roadblocks that stop me from helping people:
PRIDE: As you know, I ran my little dating consulting in China but it’s always been the same old song: girls are willing to learn new things but guys aren’t. There’s so much pride and denial in guys – they want a quick fix and they refuse to admit any short comings. Guys are defensive when it comes to constructive criticism. Again, I’m trying to help them but they constantly defend their rationale. You’d think that they would start questioning their rationale since it constantly keeps them on Virgin Land. It’s a guy thing – same thing in Toronto and same thing in Beijing. I figure that if I can’t help them, they can all burn in hell.
Fuck them all.
LOOKS – this is the elephant in the room that I need to address. I’ve always been open about my shallowness that looks matter to me. In my heart, I always hoped that it was only my problem and other people weren’t as superficial but I’m beginning to find out that it’s true for other people: LOOKS MATTER SO MUCH IN THIS WORLD. If you are a guy who’s short or not very attractive; you better be really talented or really rich. I know it’s a controversial thing to say – I really don’t want to say it but just look around: good looking people date good looking people. You meet guys that are dumb as a brick but they have good looking girls just because they’re good looking. I know it’s not fair but who are you going to complain to?
I experienced this first hand – I met a girl in Beijing that really likes me. She’s a great girl – everything is cool except for one thing: she’s not good looking. Due to that, I’ve put her in friendzone. It’s a shitty thing to reveal but I can’t do it. So I did a scenario in my head: if she were good looking, would i put her in friendzone? The answer is no. I would definitely date her. There’s no right or wrong implication to this – I just realized that looks matter to me that much. Again, call me a shallow bastard but I just realized and accepted that about myself. It goes both ways – I understand when good looking girls don’t want me: they’re clearly out of my league. I’m uglier than them but at the same time, someone is also uglier than you.
So that’s the problem – Looks and Pride stops me from making a significant impact in other people’s lives. These two things are unbelievably hard to change since I think it’s hardwired in our brains psychologically. It helps our survival (I subscribe to evolution theory). Pride is a self-defense mechanism while being big on looks helps find an attractive biological mate.
At the same time, I’m not condemning everyone. In Life, there are always exceptions. There are people that do change their perspective and their attitude – and that’s when they change for the better. First. they have to break themselves down first and critically look inwards. I still believe people do change but I also do believe now that most people won’t. They say they want to but they refuse to in their hearts.
You can’t buy a new personality.
If you’re an asshole, its really hard not to be an asshole.
That’s just how it is.
I think a big change in my perspective has a lot to do with getting older. Now that I’m motherfucking 30, I see the younger guys doing the same mistakes I did when I was their age. It’s like that scene in “Above the Rim” when Leon schooled the young hotshot on the playground. If there’s anything guys should change, they often should chill out more than become more intense. Don’t be so anal about stuff and don’t try so hard to impress a girl. I think the most attractive thing a guy can have is self-confidence. That’s what gets the girl. In order to have self-confidence, you have to know yourself. Once you know yourself, you should be able to be fine just by yourself. That’s when you’re no longer needy – because you don’t need anyone in order to have a good time. When you don’t need a girl is when girls want to be in your life – because you’re so fucking interesting.
My parting advice is this:
Just be yourself, and hope someone loves you for who you are.
Thanks to all my readers.