Games only kids play

So, there’s a reason why I haven’t written anything in a while and it has to do with either:

1) Hondouras possibly not qualifying to the second round of the world cup
2) A girl

One, I don’t give a rat’s ass about. The other, I do. I’ll let you pick which one is which.

Okay, so I’ve been hung up over a girl for a few weeks now.
don’t worry – this whole debacle is over and done with. Today, I want to have a post-mortem over what happened.

Pretty much in a nutshell – boy meets girl and boy chases girl for about a year. Things go back and forth but nothing happens. Eventually, girl leaves country. Before girl leaves country, girl explains to boy why nothing happened.

So I pretty much get a report as to why I screwed up.
Correction: I didn’t screw up – being who I was disqualified me as I possessed some traits she didn’t like.
In case this were to happen to me again, I thought that I’d better share with everyone what my traits are so that we can avoid any potential issues in the future. Please take Coles notes:

Here were the top three traits she couldn’t deal with:

Trait #1 – Too many lady friends
I can’t fault girls for feeling insecure about meeting guys who have more girl friends than guy friends. If it were the other way, I guess it would bother me too. I don’t know – maybe I’m too fucking friendly or I just like flirting with girls.
Sometimes, I feel like Prince Rakeem:

Whatever it is – the bottom line is that I like having a lot of girly friends. I have several reasons for this:

- I find girls easier to talk to than guys. Other than sports, there’s some stuff you just can’t talk to other guys about touchy feely stuff (“Hey man, sometimes I just want to cry on your shoulders”)
- As you should know by now, I like talking about relationships and dating therefore talking to girls is my way of researching and learning about the other sex. Call it homework.
- I love hot girls. Who doesn’t?
- Most girls find me disarming and friendly. I guess it’s partly due to the fact that a lot of things don’t really bother me. In other words, I really don’t think anything is a big deal, which leads me to the second problem she had with me:

Trait #2 – Nothing’s a big deal
Unless it’s cancer or a venomous snake in your bed, I really don’t believe that  a lot of things in life warrants any panicking from people. I guess it has to do with where I am in life right now – as a guy with no commitments or any assets (i.e. I’m single and broke) – I really don’t have much to lose.

Got fired? Just find another job.
Not having a good time in Toronto? Just quit and move to Asia.

See, if you’re married or you have a mortgage – you really can’t pull this type of shit off. This is the advantage of living with mom and dad. So, in addition to these things not really on my mind, the same goes with girls. My special girl didn’t like the fact that I never thought losing her would be a big deal – time heals all wounds and especially in the dating game, it’s best to have short-term memory.

As Taiwanese Popstar Ah Mei says, you have to move on with your life:

I like to think of my mentality regarding girls as something akin to the mentality of the owners of the National Football League (NFL): no one is indispensable. Unlike Prima Donna leagues like the NBA, the NFL is a league where owners call the shots. If a player thinks he’s above the team, he usually has something else coming to him and within a few seasons, he’s usually washed-up playing in Europe or Arena Football. Just ask Lawrence Philips, Ryan Leaf and soon-to-be JaMarcus Russell. The reason why players are never above the team is simple: the owners don’t let it happen.

So my special girl told me that unlike her other suitors, not once did she ever feel that she was special to me. In other words, I always made my way to remind her that if things didn’t work out with us, I’ll get over it and move on. That’s when I remembered T.I.’s quote in Justin Timberlake’s “My Love” song:

“I’m patient, but I ain’t gonna try
You don’t come, I ain’t gonna die”

In other words, I made it clear from the beginning that Homey Don’t Play That:

Thinking back, I do regret some of the things I did – maybe I should have made her feel like she was the only one in the world for me. I think it has a lot to do with my character and my inner-belief that everyone will eventually leave you once you stop being useful to them. Everyone loves a winner but once you stop winning, people forget about you and you wind up as some obscure answer in a party trivia game. As a result, I’ve made a little mental fortress around me that pretty much insulates me from having to rely on anyone. I think the English word for this is: I’ve become an emotionally selfish guy.
Upon further discussion, my special girl revealed that throughout the year I pursued her, she also had other gentleman callers vying for her affections. Apparently, a lot of them did way more than I did (or will ever do) to try and win her over. This was my thought:

“If you lose the game by one point or by thirty points, the bottom line is that you still lost the game.”
I’m actually happy that I lost by thirty points rather than one point since it doesn’t sting that much. As well, at least if you get blown out, you get to rest your starters.

Trait #3 – Malicious Intent
Finally, she told me that the reason she couldn’t date me was because I was just like her. She’s pretty much as complicated and messed up as me so this would be like throwing Bacardi 141 to an open fire. She was weary of my dark side and she said I had a malicious streak in me – which is true. I’m usually a nice guy but if I really don’t like someone/something I won’t hesitate retaliating or doing things out of spite. I’m not short but I have a complex with being pushed around. I’d be a horrible negotiator since I’d always call the terrorist’s bluff.

So this is what happened: when I was first talking to her, she always made sure to mention that she was talking to other guys. I can take it two ways: like a nice guy or like me.

Nice guy response: Even though she can be dating half of Toronto, I will remain unquestionably loyal to her and hope that she’ll eventually settle for me after the dust settles. Until this day comes, I will take a vow of chastity and chant her name.

These types of guys remind of the idiot Kasey on the Bachelorette – who went and got a stupid tattoo on his wrist in his effort to woo Ally:

http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/bachelorettes-kasey-gets-a-6-inch-tattoo-to-woo-ali-2010156

For me, maybe if I were the person I was seven years ago, I would have been just like the first group but I’m getting to be old in this love game and I’ve had plenty of girls warn me that this game is never in the favor of guys to win. In other words, it’s probably better to take your money and leave the casino.

To wrap things up, although it might sound like I harbour contempt against my special girl, I really don’t.
I actually thank her for making me think deeply about myself since I started thinking if I would ever change my qualities for someone (the answer is no). She’s actually become a really good friend and I hope to see her again. I secretly hope that one day, she’ll take me for who I am but I really don’t think that’s gonna happen. Anyway, I think we’re kindred spirits and I hope she stays in my life forever.

I told you I have girl friends.